I am an alcoholic . I realized a long time ago i had a problem but i didn’t care i ruined a marriage to a great lady and lost my older kids. I eventually got more kids and another lady. But she turned on me even though i quit drinking. I fight the urge to drink every day and latley i have wanting to drink again . I found a lady that is the woman of my dreams and now i think she wants to be done with me. I haven’t drank any booze in 12 yrs or so . But she live far away and i think the distance is finally killing our relationship. I love her more than i have any other woman and i wanna be with her but i don’t think she wants me around her .Well guees what i am dewelling on wanting alcohol to numb the pain that is going to come , i am alone with no one here to help me . I am going to lose my fight against being a drunk . And more than likely die in a few years. I hope that the lord can give me the strength to stop myself from destroying my life.